11-30-2014 – Update

There is something about blogging that is therapeutic. I often wonder why I neglect doing it so much. I mean, of course I know why. It’s just baffling that I have all of these thoughts and when I open wordpress, nothing slides off my fingers. I don’t want to bombard the public with miniscule details about my life, nor do I want the public to always have to read about my issues.

These days I’m just living, working and taking care of life at home. Isn’t that what everyone does, typically? There isn’t anything amazing happening, at least not yet anyway. I can report, though, that I’ve been making some significant changes in my life. I don’t get annoyed by little things nearly as much anymore, if you guys didn’t already know that about me. I’m very short tempered and I look at my online life like a safe haven, some place where I can unwind and share my thoughts with like-minded individuals. I think most people think that I’m just this sweet, fragile thing and that’s furthest from the truth. It takes a lot of effort to suppress an attitude that has built up for years because of the things I’ve had to go through. But I’ve found that it’s slowly dissipating and every now and again I find peace in the little things.

Keeping to myself is something that I’m very good at. I don’t get in people’s business and I tend to get along with everyone unless someone gives me a legitimate reason not to. Basically, I can get to a point where I put out exactly what is given to me. I feel that people learn best when you give them a taste of their own medicine. They say that you should treat others how you’d like to be treated… that you should kill evil with kindness. That doesn’t always work and let’s face it, some of these cliche sayings are nothing but a crock of shit. I believe the world works in ripple effects. Even if you ignore someone who treats you other than what you should be treated, they may just go and treat someone else like shit or do something stupid and the cycle becomes never ending. I’m a person who believes that every now and again, cycles can be broken if you make someone feel how they make others feel.

I do plan on keeping up with updating but I won’t promise it will be as often. The blogging world has changed. A lot of bloggers I knew no longer own websites. I check out other blogs, though or at least I try to.

Until next time…

It’s Been A Long Time

It really hasn’t been too long, at least not for me. I kept returning back to my website to see how long it’d been since I updated and as badly as I wanted to update this abandoned place, I just didn’t have anything to say. I kind of still don’t. Life has been moving at a steady pace and I’m finding myself discovering more about myself as time passes. I don’t have as much patience as I use to. That’s a good thing, though. It just means I’m less apt to put up or deal with certain things. Honestly, I was never really a person to deal with anything when it came to the outside world and the people in it. Mostly, I’d just deal with family and those very close to me, which was also very limited itself. I’m still an insomniac, that hasn’t changed and I suppose it never will. I tend to do a lot of thinking at night, which is completely out of my control. But I’m sure there are some people who can relate to this.

Work has been more tolerable than usual. There would be times I’d sit there counting the minutes until I’m out of there but it virtually flies by now. Maybe it’s because I’m less stressed and on edge like I use to be. I can’t really pinpoint it, but it’s a relief anyway because I was losing my mind in there most of the time.

I think mostly I’m filled with regrets. If only I’d known the kind of things the future would bring, I would have been more selfish when it came to myself. But you live and you learn, I guess. Some lesson, though. I never would have imagined how being less selfish would have made me completely unhappy. That’s a sacrifice the universe fails to reveal until you’re damned near utterly broken. But all in all, when you’ve come to this realization, you start to find peace, even in the little things… things that people take for granted everyday.

Maybe Next Time

I wrote a post yesterday about going back to school. I deleted it, though. I was suppose to start on May 28th, but plans fell through because I ran into some issues, which I plan on getting resolved before the next semester starts, so no big deal. I was disappointed at first, but then I thought that perhaps it’s just not my time right now. This means I’ll have more time to prepare. It only sucks a little bit having to wait but at this point, I have the patience. There’s nothing I can do to speed it up so I’ve convinced myself not to sit around and mope about it. I will admit I felt a little pressured trying to get everything together in such a short time anyhow. So when I really started to think about the situation, I was a little relieved, while being disappointed. Is that possible?

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