Who Am I Kidding?

I have changed drastically over the years. I have always been extremely short-tempered but having a blog was my outlet to allow myself to get my thoughts out of this personal prison that is my brain… exorcise my frustrations without completely taking them out on other people. But who am I kidding? The truth of the matter is that people frustrate the hell out of me. I find most people to be complete idiots. I despise having conversations with people about things they really haven’t any knowledge about. I’m not too fond of feeling like I have to be extremely nice to people who I think are complete and utter cunts. Why do I have to be politically correct? Why do I have to be polite to people who don’t deserve it? I went through a period of my life where I thought something was mentally wrong with me because of the things I thought about daily. I’d often spat those thoughts right out of my mouth. Now don’t get me wrong, some things have to be sugarcoated because no matter how much I don’t like it, some shit is just the right thing to do. But I’m tired of trying to be this humbled little pixie-type of person when that was never my personality.

I’m finding myself slowly going back to the person I use to be, saying what’s on my mind and if it just wasn’t acceptable in any way, not saying anything at all. FUCK sugarcoating shit all of the time. FUCK trying to be this ideal person society thinks I should be because I’ve been told it produces better results. The truth of the matter is, for me, it really doesn’t. I’m finding people taking advantage of my kindness more than ever and I’m sure you’ve heard of the term “Kill them with kindness,” or something along those lines — bullshit is what it is.

I’m going back to my old ways… treating people how they treat me and saying exactly how I feel.

11-30-2014 – Update

There is something about blogging that is therapeutic. I often wonder why I neglect doing it so much. I mean, of course I know why. It’s just baffling that I have all of these thoughts and when I open wordpress, nothing slides off my fingers. I don’t want to bombard the public with miniscule details about my life, nor do I want the public to always have to read about my issues.

These days I’m just living, working and taking care of life at home. Isn’t that what everyone does, typically? There isn’t anything amazing happening, at least not yet anyway. I can report, though, that I’ve been making some significant changes in my life. I don’t get annoyed by little things nearly as much anymore, if you guys didn’t already know that about me. I’m very short tempered and I look at my online life like a safe haven, some place where I can unwind and share my thoughts with like-minded individuals. I think most people think that I’m just this sweet, fragile thing and that’s furthest from the truth. It takes a lot of effort to suppress an attitude that has built up for years because of the things I’ve had to go through. But I’ve found that it’s slowly dissipating and every now and again I find peace in the little things.

Keeping to myself is something that I’m very good at. I don’t get in people’s business and I tend to get along with everyone unless someone gives me a legitimate reason not to. Basically, I can get to a point where I put out exactly what is given to me. I feel that people learn best when you give them a taste of their own medicine. They say that you should treat others how you’d like to be treated… that you should kill evil with kindness. That doesn’t always work and let’s face it, some of these cliche sayings are nothing but a crock of shit. I believe the world works in ripple effects. Even if you ignore someone who treats you other than what you should be treated, they may just go and treat someone else like shit or do something stupid and the cycle becomes never ending. I’m a person who believes that every now and again, cycles can be broken if you make someone feel how they make others feel.

I do plan on keeping up with updating but I won’t promise it will be as often. The blogging world has changed. A lot of bloggers I knew no longer own websites. I check out other blogs, though or at least I try to.

Until next time…

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