I have been such a terrible blogger. I have been really busy and going through some family things. It’s a lot to deal with, especially when everyone in your family looks to you for comfort and support. I’m the family’s backbone and no matter how much I say I’m going to shake that “obligation”, it’s not that easy to do when you have such a small family & you know that without you holding things together the little bit of family that you have will crumble.
It’s stressful because it’s not just about the things we go through, but sometimes I feel like my family doesn’t appreciate the fact that I’m always there for them. Sometimes I don’t even think they realize how much I have done and sacrificed for them. I feel like they’re ungrateful at times and it can be such a fucked up feeling when everyone literally calls me when they need my help and support. It’s almost like they develop amnesia when it’s all said and done.
Lately, though, I have been a little more confident about my own journeys in life because I have to face the fact that I’m going to be 29 very soon and I don’t want to look back on my life & realize I didn’t live enough and that all I did was constantly be there for other people while ignoring my own life, wants and needs. I’m learning to be more selfish and trying so hard not to allow anyone to make me feel bad about it because the people in my life do have a habit of making me feel that way.
I also have to stop allowing their moods to mess up mine. It’s already bad enough I’m constantly sticking my neck out for them but then on stress free days when I’m actually feeling great and tending to ME, someone always manages to make shit about themselves and it ruins my mood and when my mood is ruined it can last all day. That’s just how I’m wired.
I’m going to get where I want to be one day. Stress & obligation free.